Control
by lovedance1
Summary: He had said that he could never lose control with me, that I was too breakable. It was as if I had heard him say these words but I did not listen.


Every night it starts the same way.

As soon as I close my eyes and slip away from consciousness, I see his face. It wasn't an unfamiliar face that I saw; actually it was probably the most familiar face that I knew. His eyes were golden as if they reflected the lining of clouds at sunset and his skin was as white as the wash off fresh ocean waves.

Apart from his eyes and his skin the first aspect of his face that fully came into focus was his lips. They were parted just enough for me to be able to see the shadows cast over his teeth. I knew those teeth could kill and had killed in the past, yet something drew me to them. I wanted my lips to be near them. I wanted his teeth to collide gently with mine.

My eyes didn't move from this small gap as slowly it opened further.

"Bella," he whispered; the air seemed to linger around his lips causing them to crack ever so slightly.

I had known before but now I was sure beyond all uncertainty – it was Edward Cullen who stood so close before me.

My eyes slowly moved to meet his. Every time they did I found myself in a frozen state, both physically and mentally. It was as if I had taken the roll of a clumsy doe and he had the golden headlights of the truck. Even though I was caught and had no way of defending myself I wasn't scared, I had never been scared of him. Only scared that, like my dreams, he would eventually fade away and that I would eventually wake up to find him gone.

In that moment this fear, the overwhelming fear that I could lose him, fills my body and causes for my skin to tingle and shiver. I moved quickly to him and lifted my face so that it could almost rest against him.

"Stop Bella," a sharp tone covered his words.

I knew why these jolted words had left his mouth, as my presence got closer to him, so did my scent. It would have consumed him like a sudden rush of adrenaline.

Edward had tried to explain this to me before, that, to him, I was like a brand of heroine. As I had lifted my head the thick layer of hair that once framed my face now fell freely over my shoulder and down my back. The pearl like skin of my neck was now exposed to him. His lips became flushed and I could see that they were beginning to quiver.

I slowly stood up on my toes, my face and exposed neck was now even closer to him. Even though I was standing close enough to see and touch every detail of his face and body I did not do anything. I didn't reach out to him and I didn't kiss him, I just stood… and waited.

He had said that he could never lose control with me, that I was too breakable. It was as if I had heard him say these words but I did not listen. I wished right then and there, looking up into his eyes that he could have lost control, it was not that I wanted to be killed or to implicate him in my death… it was something very different that I wanted from him.

I could see Edward searching my face for any kind of indication to what I was thinking, but I knew that he couldn't read my thoughts – and for that I was incredibly thankful. If he had been able to then I can only imagine how he would react, I don't know how I would explain it though.

Whilst caught up in my own imaginings and fantasies Edward lent down so his lips were only a line with mine. Then, cautiously and ever so carefully he allowed himself to get lost in my fantasy with me. His lips were cold, but that I was used to, there was something else though – it was like I could taste the hunger through his skin.

As our faces broke apart for one moment I instantaneously took in my surroundings. It was as if the dream had not even allowed me to exit the realms of my own bedroom. All was so familiar that I suddenly wondered if I was even dreaming. As if history was repeating itself the next few moments I had already experienced.

He pushed me down as my back hit the edge of my pillow. I could feel his hand running underneath my tight night skivvy. My fingers pushed hard against his skin, they moved freely over his muscles and then returned to his face.

This was the first time that the bare skin of our bodies had ever touched. I felt as though I had been plunged down to the very depths of the ocean. Even though my body would have been warm it did not seem to cause Edwards skin to melt away.

As I continued to pull him closer and kiss him harder I could hear a growl rising up his throat. His lips moved from mine as ran over my cheek to my ear. I could feel them quickly tracing the edge of my neck. Then they abruptly halted, about halfway down my neck, they were so close that when I swallowed his lips would have rippled gently in the aftershock.

His lips rested there, moment after moment, time passing slower than it ever had before. Usually this was where my dream would come to an abrupt ending and I would wake to find Edward looking over my clammy and drowsy body. Unlike all times before though, this dream continued to play out and his lips continued to remain pressed, in the same position, against my neck.

I could now feel the teeth that I had been so drawn to before, slowly pressing down on my thin layer of flesh. I gasped as the realisation of what was going to happen next suddenly filled my mind and took over all of my senses.

The pressure against my skin only lasted seconds, his razor like teeth broke through my skin and slowly blood began to run down my neck. As I groaned and screamed I looked over my shoulder and became aware of my own fragility as red stains appeared on my pillow. Mortality was slipping away from me as slowly my screams faded to a murmur. Even in that moment, as I was dying, I did not hate him – and I forgave him for what he had done, even though I knew he would never be able to forgive himself.

I faded further and a wave of nausea filled my body.

I woke, but my eyes didn't snap open with anxiety or fear – instead I woke as if from a light daze. I could feel sweat running down my brow and my heart was beating at an uncontrollable speed. Slowly I raised my hand and placed it where Edward had placed his teeth – the skin was not broken and remained smooth to touch.

I knew that this dream would never be able to become a reality and if it did then I had just experienced the conclusion it would lead to. Even though Edward admitted that I was breakable I had to now be the strongest that I had ever been before. From now on it was not enough for Edward to say that he could never lose control with me, from now on I too had to stay in control – for both of our sakes.


End file.
